Hiccup!
by BoredomIsAnUnderstatement
Summary: Harry has a small problem, which Snape offers to fix for him. Slash! VERY minor 'Deathly Hollows' spoiler-warning. Yaoi HPSS


**HP Title: **_**Hiccup!**_

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Harry Potter or anybody else in those kick-ass books. Unfortunately, that's J. K. Rowling's job. Sadness!**

**A.N.:**** So, last night, after I'd finished reading a few **_**excellent **_**Harry Potter fanfics (I'm afraid I don't remember any names though, sorry!) and was brushing my teeth/washing my face before going to bed, I suddenly got the hiccups! It was so unexpected (and they hurt SO bad!) that by the time the third or fourth one hopped up, I'd already come up with a whole new HP story myself! 8O *Le Gasp!* Heh-heh! Well, that's just me, I guess: I'm rather peculiar like that. XD Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this in all its hiccup-pie glory! Also, let's just say that the seventh book **_**never happened**_**; Harry is **_**still **_**in school (seventh year), Snape is **_**still **_**alive, and Harry **_**still **_**has to defeat Voldemort (but he has nothing to do with this one-shot).**

**Pairing:**** Snape/Harry (I KNOW, I KNOW! SO STRANGE! …But **_**soooo**_** good! XDD )**

**---**

There was absolute silence within the dark, damp dungeons as Professor Sna--

_Hic-ap!_

Snape peered up from his students' essays in surprise. He was very unaccustomed to the sound of someone hiccupping in his classroom. His coal-colored eyes roamed the bowed heads of his scribbling pupils, searching for the trouble-maker who'd annoyed him. Where was the brat that'd --

_HIC-ap!_

Ah. Of _course_ it was Potter. Who _else _would decide to disturb Snape in such an aggravating fashion?

_HIC--_

"_Mis_ter Potter, if you _cannot_ control yourself, then either go outside so as not to bother anybody else or _suffer_ the _consequences_," he interrupted with a sigh.

"Sorry, Professor. It won't happen ag--" _HIC-AP! _"--a-ag-gain?!" Surprise and fear were both laced into the boy's voice, and Snape couldn't help but sneer as he looked back down to his papers and began to grade them again.

"_Ob_viously. Go outside." When no noise from a certain chair fell on his ears, Snape glanced up once more, glowering coldly. "Or be happy when I start _docking points_, Mister Potter. Make your choice."

Just as the seventeen-year-old opened his mouth to argue, another hiccup escaped him in what seemed like a very painful -- and very loud -- way, and he slapped his hand over his lower face to stop what had already come up. A few sniggers were hissed from the Slytherin side of the large room and a few quite vicious shushes from the Gryffindor side were all directed to the Potter boy, and the light bloom of a blush flitted into his cheeks, though whether it was from anger or embarrassment one couldn't tell.

The sudden, sharp ring of the end-of-class bell screeched and echoed across the shingly walls, and all the students started to pack up their things to go.

"Not you, Potter. You stay," Snape said over the rustlings of the bags and chairs, pointing his long, black quill's feathery tip at the neophyte. A subtle moan before a loud hiccup came from said teen, and the red-headed Weasley boy and the know-it-all Granger girl glimpsed down at their friend in pity as they slowly walked out of the room.

…_Hic-ap!_

"Get up here, Potter," the tall potions master ordered as he stood from his chair and walked around his mahogany desk.

Gradually, the raven-haired young man stepped ahead, hiccupping all along the way. "Y-Ye--" _hih!_--_hmph! _"…Ah, y-yes, Professor?" he said, trying hard to halt his annoying noises.

"Do you know how to stop hiccupping, Mister Potter?" Snape asked evenly. "No? I expected as much."

"Well, uh, Sir, do y-y--" _Hic-ap! _"-- er, do you have anything to, uh, get rid of them? A potion or something, maybe?"

"No," was the cold, deadpan reply. "But I do know _how_."

"R-Really? How?!" Harry said in astonishment.

"Yes, _really_, and it is quite simple. Even _muggles_ use this trick. Don't those peopleyou live with tell you _anything?_ Or perhaps those other pupils you seem to be acquainted with?" Snape said with his arms crossed across this chest.

"N--" _Hic! _"--o-oha. I'm told _nothing_, Sir," the young tyro said coolly, glaring holes into his teacher's torso.

Snape sighed heavily, this time in defeat. "Well, Mister Potter, the best known way to stop the infernal jolt of your diaphragm is to be _shocked _out of it."

The alarmed expression that twisted Harry's features as he looked into Snape's visage at the comment almost made the young professor groan in exasperation.

"'_Shocked' _as in…'_surprised'?_" he proposed, slightly incensed with the boy's stupidity.

"…Oh," he said in a small voice, turning his eyes away in discomfiture.

…_Hic-ap!_

Snape scrutinized the teen's lean body with a piercing black gaze, thinking his options through thoroughly. He was probably going to get fired for doing this, but…it'd be worth it. "Would you like me to help you with your predicament, Mister Potter?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

_Hic-ap!_ "N-No-No offense, Professor, but I don't think there's anything that you c--" _HIC-ap! _"--c-can do that'll surprise me, S-Sir," Harry said with difficulty.

Without warning, the wiry man had the adolescent pinned against the desk behind him. His arms ran along either side of Harry, barely touching him, trapping him there. "I wouldn't be too sure of that, _boy_," he murmured softly, looking lowly into his prisoner's bright, emerald-green orbs. It had been some time since Snape had stopped seeing the younger man's parents when he looked at Harry and had starting seeing their son that was before him now, and he'd found that he rather liked the differences that were there. He was not cruel like his father had been, but nor was he quite so saccharine as his mother. He truly was his own.

"S-Sir," Harry sweated, "wha-what're you d--"

_Hic-ap!_

At that, Snape pressed forwards swiftly and had the boy captured. His lips pushed forcibly but gently into Harry's, and his round glasses cut faintly into his pale white skin, leaving imperceptible red marks. The abrupt tension then relaxation of his smaller frame that was flesh against Snape's own body immediately told the instructor that his novice was in rapture. The learned man's tongue slipped into Harry's mouth and began to explore him slowly, an expedition he'd been willing to make for a while. A slight, clawing din was heard from the wood of the little table below, and Snape grinned wolfishly into the kiss; it would seem that Harry had never had this form of ecstasy prior to this. Good. The professor liked being the first to give things to others.

At long last, he pulled off of -- but not away from -- the Chosen One, allowing both their lungs the chance to respire for a moment.

"…Better?" he whispered breathlessly.

"…I-I think I'd like to be…_'surprised'_ again…_Sir,_" Harry muttered as he stared at his potions master's lips, mesmerized.

"I can't right now, Potter, my next class is coming in. But…I suppose if I gave you a detention for…_distracting_ your professor, then I might be able to…_'surprise'_ you more…." Snape hinted silkily.

"Yes, _please,_" the initiate begged, shifting just a fraction of an inch forward, staring still at the lips in front of him.

"Be here at eight o'clock, then," Snape smirked as he finally stood away from his student. "And Potter? I don't suggest being late," he added with a sneer.

"Trust me; I don't intend to be," Harry grinned back as he made his way down the aisle between the desks toward the large, heavy double doors.

As first- and second-years slowly started milling into his classroom, Snape smiled inwardly. He _hated _manipulating people like that, he truly did, but if it meant that he could spend some time like _that_ with the Potter boy…well, he would get over it easily enough. He just hoped that he hadn't damaged the teenager for life.

*******

_Well now…. THAT was easier than I thought it would be. And to think it took me THIS long to come up with something,_ the young wizard thought to himself as he practically skipped merrily away from the dank, stony dungeons. _I love hiccupping._

**---**

**A.N. 2:**** I'm sorry, but I totally lol-ed at the end of this. I couldn't help it! XD It was so fun to type up! I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it! :3 (Also, the three in bold Times New Roman is ADORABLE! I didn't realize it before!) XDD**

**Oh, and please remember: REVIEWS ARE TOTAL LOVE! PLEASE GIVE THEM! :D**


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